Friday, April 27, 2012

Dose of Fairytale

Lately, and in a minor reference to my last post, because of my desperate itch to disappear to foreign climes I have been allowing my mind to wonder into fairytales. Or rather watching movies that either are actual fairytales, eg. Alice in Wonderland or movies set in balmy locations such as, Mamma Mia, with fairy tale like stories. I've been playing games set in fairy worlds and generally not paying much attention to reality. In fact, my stress levels being what they are, the less I have to do with the real world the better I like it. Unfortunately work interrupts my delirium and fantasy world, returning me to the everyday mundane, and as usual for this time of year I spend most of my work day wishing for the moment that I can go home. It just gets worse and worse, and so does another itch, the itch to write. The fantasy novel that I have written still lies unpublished, in the hands of my agent and yet the urge to begin another grows stronger and stronger every day. All this amidst, search for a more profitable job, the start of a small sewing business and a desperate need for a holiday. I really do like to pile it on myself, don't I? Will any of this ever work out? Or will I just stagnate hopelessly until I have a nervous breakdown? Unfortunately for me, I haven't got the ability to read the future, and my usual positive thinking is slowly degrading. So to escape the horrors of my rising stress levels I live, as much as I'm able, in my own little fantasy land where everything is possible, where good always conquers evil, where I can be whatever I want to be and have everything I want to have without means to achieve them other than wishing. I'm learning italian, but only because it makes me feel a little closer to being somewhere else, another means of mental escape. Fairy tales are the original fantasy fiction, and since I am a great lover and debut contributor to that genre I suppose its natural that I find them fascinating and entertaining and a good means of mental escape from the day to day grind. I spend hours planning a Mad Hatter's Tea Party, unfortunately I can't find enough wacky friends to attend such an event, or a suitable location to hold such a wonderful, crazy, mad idea. Perhaps if I ever get to own a slightly older house with plenty of old-fashioned character and a huge garden I can go mad and try to convince all my sane friends to dress in AIW appropriate costume and show up to a Mad Hatter's Garden Tea Party, with of course a showing of the Tim Burton movie, unless of course that would be breaking the law.... copyright.... not showing to a large audience? I can even imagine how it would all look and how the evening would end. *Sigh* Well back to my random theme. I married my husband, and we are more like Shrek and Fiona than Snow White and Prince Charming (Walt Disney Prince Charming not Shrek/Rupert Everett Prince Charming) I can't think of any aspect of my life that could be consider remotely Fairy tales - esc. Perhaps that's part of my problem, perhaps I need a little "magic" in my life, a little adventure and a little romance. So then the question arises, how? But I think maybe that question has to be left unanswered, because I'm truly stumped on that one! However I will be posting a travel post after my vacations in June, so keep you eyes peeled for a romp through Southern Spain. Farefarren everyone!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

That Time Of Year Again

What else can you title a subject that I inevitably return to once a year. Its April, spring has sprung, as much as its able in West Norway and the nagging sensation of emigration or at least moving bubbles up. I sit here, looking out at a beautiful blue sky over a crystalline fjord, watching Brits like myself creating a dream in Southern Italy on the TV. I'm surrounded by beauty and yet the traveller in me is jealously watching television, and itching to go somewhere I've never been. A pool, hot, balmy weather, a relaxed lifestyle.... if you could spell the sound that eminates from me you might get an inkling of how I feel. I lived in Southern Spain for 7 years, it was a glorious experience but I was glad to return to northern europe. Yet I miss, occasionally, the lifestyle, the food, the type of people and the attitude. Perhaps I'm just too lazy for the Norwegian way of life, perhaps the forever endeavour to be body beautiful, healthy and active is just too much for a couch loving, food obsessive Brit like me. In Spain I was more active, I had a healthier diet and was generally healthier and fitter, of course this is not a rule. My brother and his wife are as unhealthy as I am here and they have lived in southern Spain for at least 4 years. Though when the sunshines you feel more eager to be active, unless you live isolated in some remote villa your more likely to walk to your destinations. Fruit and vegetables are cheaper than anything else in warmer countries and so its easier to have a healthier diet. Then of course there's the dream of every northern european, sitting on a veranda watching the sun slowly sink behind the horizon with a plate of olives and a glass of wine, grown and produced in the country your sitting in. Emigrating, as with any project that will change you life, is not an easy undertaking. Changing culture, language and country are things no one should do lightly, and definitely not without some serious motivation. Even moving in your own country can be difficult and require a period of adjustment. Moving to another country, a move that usual requires that you leave lots of things behind, can be scary, difficult, draining and take even more time to adjust to. If your strong enough, have a enough motivation and are willing to humble yourself to learn the language and some of the culture, well then the rewards are immense. The adventure, that's what I long for. The new, the excitement of discovering a new place, of living a new way. Maybe in some way I want to runaway, to escape the stress of living in northern europe to a more relaxed, simpler and slower pace of life. Oh well, if I can get over the hump, perhaps I will feel better and last another year here, until then... ciao bellos! Adieu mon amies! Adios amigos! Hejd√• and Hade!

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Babies

I have a confession to make, I'm a ball of hormonal baby wishes. I'm 30 and my writing career is budding, I've never been all that career conscious at any rate, but I have always wanted to be a mother, ever since I was a small child playing with dollies. I've been married 2 and a half years and the timing just isn't right to start having babies. We live in a beautiful one bedroomed appartment with exquisite views of the fjord, but its too small to start a family in. My husband works full-time, but I'm a part-time writer (unpaid) and part-time cleaner (paid), like I said before my writing career isn't exactly in full bloom. Economically it isn't a viable consideration just now and everyone knows that babies are expensive. But how do you make the overwhelming sensation of wanting children, of the desperation to be a mother go away? Of course its a bit of a roller coaster, when I'm at my most hormonal the sensation is at its strongest, but it never completely goes away. The hardest thing is that it seems that the world and his wife are having babies, everyone I see is pushing a pram or has a swelling pregnant stomach, at my part-time job out of a work for of about 40+ there have been at least 10 pregnancies and births, everywhere I look I see baby pictures or pregnant women and the wishing gets stronger. I have a little box of baby clothes, that probably doesn't make it better, I have a file of baby pictures and I find names for the children I haven't got yet. Yes I am just a slightly pathetic woman. I hover over my friends children, I cuddle their babies and wish for my own. Occasionally my friends tell me I'd make a good mother, a compliment that takes my breath away, but I treasure to hear it. There is a well inside my heart, filled with the un-used love that has frozen into sharp and painful shards that pierces me everytime the longing get too strong. Before I met my lovely husband I used to think there was no pain greater than being lonely and wishing for that person to spend the rest of you life with, now I'm not so sure that it can really compare with the pain of wanting a child so much you feel torn in two. Although perhaps that's only because this pain is in the present, whereas that pain is in my past. Some one told me today that there's never a good time to have a child, that there will always be something to do or to fix. But that's true about every life changing event, isn't it? Every event that changes you life completely, that stops your everyday existence and re-shuffles all your priorities is always inconvienient, even the most joyful events. Really, its my husband's reticence, he's a couple of years younger than me, that stops us from taking the plunge. Out of respect for his feelings we will wait until we have bought a home to raise children in, whenever that happens. It still doesn't make the painful aching go away. So unless some of you readers have any idea how to make it disappear, I will soldier on and hope you forgive me my complaining!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sorry Tracy Anderson

Dear Friends,

I'm writing to you to apologise, a quite few months ago I attempted to start Tracy Anderson... well that was a bust. I haven't the strength of will to kill myself the Tracy Anderson way, she promises results and I'm sure that they are attainable, working out the way she describes. I'm just not able to work out that way, I find it dull and over-tiring, if I'm going to change my lifestyle I want it to be in a way that gives me joy. So I quit, but I was too embarrassed to admit it. I've changed my lifestyle, I've committed myself to 50 hours of voluntary work a month and that is almost 50 hours of walking. So far this month I've lost a total of 4 cm on my waist and 2 cm on my hips, I'm feeling quite positive about it. My body shape is hour glass, and a dancers body is not exactly attainable or desireable for me, I've decided to be proud of how I was created, and accept the fact that I've got curves, I can only make what I've got better and that's all I will do. So to anyone who was hoping to get some kind of sneakpeek at a Tracy Anderson's body, I apologise once more.

Love and hugs
Sincerity