Thursday, October 03, 2013

Homesickness, the mind and body ailment.

If you hadn’t guessed by the amount of depressing and homesick posts I have been writing lately, or perhaps this is the first time you’ve read my blog, well then I will tell you. I’m homesick!

What I’ve found though, as I’ve dragged the web, is the lack of information on long-term homesickness. This is a phrase I will try and coin in this post. What is the difference, you may ask? Homesickness affects everyone, from children to adults, usually when first arriving at new place/environment (i.e, summer camper, a child at a sleepover, soldiers newly deployed or college students) that’s the given. The other thing is that usually after a few days, weeks or months in said new place/environment the homesickness subsides and people get into routine.

Long-Term Homesickness however is a little different, and since I haven’t been able to find any site that discusses this I will use my own case.

I am an adult woman of 32 years, who after being vehemently against returning to her home country of Great Britain, has suddenly developed an overwhelming longing/desire to move back there. When I left the UK for Southern Spain in 2000 I didn’t have one moment of homesickness, I was glad to be out of there and promised myself never to return again. This was true for 10 years, I didn’t even go on holiday to the UK, such was my will never to see it again. Then in 2010, me and my husband of only a few months went to visit my parents and I hated it. We visited Blackpool and I was quite relieved to get back to Norway again, and so glad we didn’t live there. Then in 2011, I went back to visit with my parents without my husband and it was nice to catch up with my parents, especially my mum, but although it was hard to go home I wanted to see my husband. I came home and unfortunately it was two years before we got to visit the UK and my parents again. We went on the Norfolk broads and it was delightful, although I was still pretty stressed when I returned back to Norway, I had a terrible ache for the UK and it got worse, there was no escaping it. So my husband kindly arranged for me to go visit again and this time it was even harder to leave the UK to come back to Norway after my trip was finished.

So now I have the worst kind of homesickness, because it seems there is nothing I can do to ease my pain, without returning home, which is never going to happen according to my lovely husband. I have done all the things they tell you to do when you are newly homesick;

  • I’ve learned the language.
  • I have friends here.
  • I have regular contact with my family and friends (not so many of them) in the UK.

I do everything I can to make myself feel myself here, but none of it is working. If I had a cure that would make everyone happy, me included I would of course do it, but I don’t. There is no cure without moving back! So it seems I am doomed to ache. Its been thirteen years since I last lived in the UK, and for now at least, it seems I will never be allowed to go back. I’m living with a wall, a brick wall, who loves me of course, but is nevertheless a brick wall. So I’m struggling to accept that my pain is never going to end, I have chronic homesickness and there is no way to relieve it. Even if I go back every three months, all that does is put my “life” in Norway in limbo, because I’m not a millionaire and I can’t afford to buy a house or other life decisions and live part time in the UK. Its all or nothing, and right now all I’ve got is nothing. So on that happy note, I will post this and spread my pain to the web. I hope my next blog is less self-centered and more positive.